With all the hubbub about the Summer Olympics I’m learning something new every day!
Like, did you know marathon runners often poop themselves as they run? Did you know they have a bottom-related product called Butt Shield that prevents buttock chafing? I did not know these things! Apparently cyclists and runners both will pee themselves if they need to, as well! I’m rethinking my ambition to run a marathon. I’m also side-eye-ing those people I know who have run marathons but I don’t, quite, know how I’m going to ask if they’re hard-core enough to have pooped while running.
I was never much of a horse person. My dad was a ranch hand when I was a pre-schooler and he rode a magnificent horse named High Mount, because that horse was hella-tall, so you’d think I’d be bosom buds with those hoofed assholes.
Horseback riding was part of our curriculum in school (I took outdoor education in jr. high.) so we were bussed to a small riding club in the city and taken on a trail ride. My horse, Lucky, was the biggest asshole horse ever. When he actually walked, because he did NOT want to walk so he’d lock his legs and stand there, he’d bounce his hindquarters extra hard. The instructor told me to whack his flank with my hand to get him to go faster but when I tried it Lucky nearly sent me flying over his head! JERK! I was so unwise to the wily ways of horses that I didn’t know about him getting the bit in his teeth. Once he did? The illusion of my being in control dissolved and Lucky ambled along at his own pace like an equine honey badger.
A couple of years ago a coworker invited me out to her ranch for a BBQ. I was hesitant but she told me she also, in addition to horses, had goats! GOATS! I love goats! I said I’d attend but I got a little lost on the way and showed up late.
But not late enough.
She had a horse in a paddock and she was leading it around, giving guests a free ride. I got there just as the last person was finishing his ride and she cajoled me into taking a ride. I tried to warn her, horses and I do not get along, but she fuffed my fears as being silly. Her horse was a sweetie, loved everyone, and was the most docile creature ever!
Until I climbed aboard. The moment I settled into place the horse’s ears went back and she refused to be led. My coworker was puzzled because up until that point her horse been happily walking around with strange people on her back.
Apparently, I am stranger than most.**
Eventually she coaxed the horse into a stop-and-go, reluctant slog around the paddock but it was embarrassing for everyone involved. Thankfully, after that humiliating walk of shame, I was introduced to the goats and happiness once again ruled the land!
The Summer Olympics have also taught me that sometimes swimmers have wardrobe malfunctions.
** The way horses react to me makes me wonder if I’m a werewolf and just don’t know it. Maybe a were-bear. Hm.
Batman Chucks – I’m sort of in lust with these shoes. The Bat-logo folds down! I can only imagine the confidence you’d get wearing these shoes. Meeting with a difficult client? Bat-chucks got your back!
Try GIT – If you’re brand-new to GIT then Try Git! It’s a great little utility that lets you practice basic GIT commands without having to install anything on your computer. Once you’ve been through this free course and have a good grasp of the basics you can move on to…
GIT Immersion – One of the best sites I’ve come across, yet, for learning the ins and outs of GIT.
Skillcrush.com introduces its readers to Node.js – I’m a senior Web developer and I still enjoy getting a daily email from Skill Crush explaining different aspects of my industry. The best thing about the Web industry is it’s constantly evolving. Skill Crush gives you a quick overview of a topic straight to your inbox and if you’re a novice or quite experienced there’s going to be something new to read about!
No Excuse List – The No Excuse List is a collection of links to free learning resources on the Web. The volume of free learning available is staggering! Learn to better yourself!
This video has changed my life. It’s the most simple yet revolutionary way I’ve seen yet to cook a hot dog! You spiral cut it so it’s like a spring made of pureed meat-stuff and not only does it cook without bending, but you get more crispy surface area and toppings will slip between the spirally bits to fully integrate into each bite you take instead of sitting on top so you get a mouthful of condiments sans wiener! My mind! She is blown!
I am not a fan of 50 Shades of Grey but I can totally get behind 50 Sheds of Grey! Brilliant satire!
Supper last night was sweet and spicy meatloaf with alterations. If you don’t own this cook book yet, what are you waiting for? The recipes are healthy and delicious! So far I’ve made a shepherd’s pie and a sweet and spicy meatloaf; alterations follow:
What the recipe called for
What I did instead
oatmeal (not instant, especially
not flavoured instant)
1/3 cup chopped, dried cranberries
1/3 cups chopped, raisins, dates,
and cranberries I picked out
of a bag of trailmix (who knew
meatloaf would be so laborious?)
2 tsp cayenne powder
1 tsp smoked paprika
1 tsp chili powder
(on account they are both red
powders like cayenne)
cheddar cheese (we ain’t fancy)
The meatloaf turned out wonderfully moist, possibly because it had been a bit underdone but I sliced it up and fried a few slices to finish cooking it through and it was fine! Plus, we had delicious fried cheddar bits to nom.
I’m reading Let’s Pretend This Never Happened. Again. This is my second read-through so I’m using my judgey, critical eye. I’m only a quarter of the way through but already I’ve formed a very strong opinion about Jenny Lawson; her childhood could have been my childhood if my parents hadn’t decided to move to the big city when it was time for me to start school. Also, we should be friends. Also, if it wasn’t for her childhood being in rural Texas and my early childhood being in a mountain on the Alberta/B.C. border, her dad could have easily been one of the guys who’d stop by our house wanting to show off whatever dead/pissed off animal they had in the back of their truck. Hm, actually my childhood wouldn’t have been her childhood because my dad, crazy in his own way, wasn’t a taxidermist.
Let’s Pretend This Never Happened is a funny book you feel sort of horrified at yourself for laughing at because it’s 90% true (as stated in the foreword).